2017 Week 03

Packers 23 Failcons 34

“This just in:” The Packers got their asses kicked in Atlanta. Smacked up. What a difference a week makes, but honestly, not a huge surprise, given the loss of both starting offensive tackles, our most disruptive defensive lineman, our (arguably) two best receivers, etc etc etc.
It would’ve been tough to win in Cleveland, let alone in brand-new Mercedes-Benz Stadium against an elite team and an MVP QB playing lights out. In fairness, no one in the league can really stop Julio Jones. It was definitely not “Must-See-TV.” At least most of our guys will be back this week against the Bungles.
I recently watched the classic golf comedies, Caddyshack and Happy Gilmore, back-to-back, with a group of guys constantly arguing which movie was better. Maybe that explains the strange but extraordinary twist to my most recent journey to Dreamworld, to “Packhalla.” No, not like the “Packhalla” Fame. Not Valhalla, the mythical afterworld for heroic Norse warriors. Packhalla. Where any and all Packers players, and the truly elite members of Packer Nation, living or dead, merge in a magical state of being, a Nirvana if you will, always in their primes. Rich, poor, White, Black…Even some “Bad Hombres,” although most of those are obviously Dallas fans…

There I was, on the hallowed grounds of The” Cliffs at ACME, also popularly nicknamed “Lambeau Links” or “The Royal Golf Club at St. Vince’s.” The greatest, most magnificent course in all of Packhalla! One by one, the other three in my foursome arrived.
First was relatively lean and balanced, a clean-cut guy dressed like Arnold Palmer, hair parted on the side. His sport shirt was vintage quarter-zip with hoop pull, his saddle-style white golf shoes bright in the eternal sunshine. A total Boy Scout. No. Probably an Eagle Scout. He had a steady, confident stride as he approached the tee box and set down his vintage clubs, with real and actual “Woods,” including a small-head driver, to complement the irons, as he extended his hand with a smile and said, “Hiya!”

The next guy arrived via Carpet Ride with a Steppenwolf song blaring from his enormous 80’s-era Jambox. I noticed it could only play cassettes, no CDs yet. He was rocking a pastel ensemble, checkered canvas Vans shoes, with the collar of his Izod turned up, blond mullet hair flapping in the always perfect Packhalla breeze. This dude was Too Cool for School with a slightly pimp-groove to his walk as he strutted up and slapped me five with a “What’s up, man? Feelin’ lucky today. TOW-tally!”
The last tore from the woods in a camo four-wheeler ATV, dead 13-point buck strapped across the rear. There were vague remnants of scratched-off decals (that might have been of the Jets and Vikings?) next to the prominent and familiar “G” logo. He leapt off and jogged up to us. It was if he felt absolutely no pain. He was the biggest and thickest of the three, made thicker by the Mossy Oak wardrobe. He had about a five-day growth and a wad of Copenhagen in his front lip as he asked, “Y’all doin’ all right?” Eagle Scout muttered, “Golly. Geez, Brett, there are rules here. And a dress code. What about all the kids watching at home? We are examples, after all...”
This was incredible! Are you serious? Can I really be teeing off with these guys? Then I realized that like Fantasy Island, anything is possible in Packhalla!
As the only player whose football career peaked in high school, I teed off first. Of course, I sliced it big-time. Mullet dropped his ball, a Noodle marked “7.” He would prove to play a little wild but was unbelievably streaky and incredibly lucky. His shot bounced off the trees to the right, shotgunned across the fairway, hit a stump and rolled on the green. He said something like “I have way better hair and was always cooler than Jim McMahon…he was a POSER!!!”
Redneck was next, dropping his Top Flite ball marked “4.” He had an enormous Titanium driver, with an explosively quick swing that mashed the ball almost 400 yards, but not exactly where he wanted to hit it. He screamed “That dog’ll HUNT in Kiln, Mississippi!!!” He would prove to be the wildest, riskiest player in the foursome. He was a true gunslinger. When I asked him why he  played so loose, he said with a smile, “Hell, man, ain’t no costly interceptions in golf!”
Finally, Eagle Scout dropped his ball, an antique Titleist marked “15.” Redneck pointed at it, looked at Mullet, and said, “See, Donny Boy…   ’TITLEIST.’ Something you wouldn’t know about!” He roared with laughter. I realized that even guys golfing in Packhalla talk a lot of smack!
Eagle Scout looked a little embarrassed, saying, “It was always a team effort. We were a well-oiled machine, in which I was but one cog. I just tried to do my part, and Lord willing…” Whereby I cut him off with “C’mon, man! I know history! You were a Champion and a Hall of Famer yourself!” Redneck said, “Hey, what about me? I won a Championship, too!?” To which Eagle Scout and I said in unison, “Yeah. ONE.” Redneck: “Well, that’s all that Aaron’s got!” Me: “But you’re the only one to lose a Super Bowl…” Mullet, cluelessly: “What’s the “Super Bowl?”  Is it that time I led us to that Majikal last-second victory in Chicago and stuck it in Ditka’s face?”
Snapshots: Curly Lambeau, in classic knickers and high socks, metal cleats, telling me I have a “crackerjack short game,” that I could “lick these Jokers,” and that I was a “swell guy…” The hideous but hilarious sight of Charles “Too Mean” Martin’s lace underwear, the familiar “Hit-List” with McMahon’s #9 at the top, when he let slip his pants in the ceremonial “Dropping Trow” for failing to hit his drive past the ladies’ tees… Johnny Jolly offering me his golf cart, but I didn’t know what was in the trunk so I couldn’t risk it… All four of us missing easy putts for birdie, Coach Lombardi screaming “What the HELL’S goin’ on out there?!? Yips, yips, yips, nobody PUTTIN’!!! You’ve got to putt that ball, IN…THE…ALLEY!” Eagle Scout, watching Rodney Dangerfield dancing and singing “Any Way You Want It,” shaking his head in disapproval, muttering “What’s he doing here? He’s not an elite fan. He’s not even a shareholder…”
After a wild round, where Redneck aced hole 4, Mullet did the same on 7, and Eagle Scout matched them on number 15, we were all tied going to the 18th. I noticed a large group had assembled to watch the end of this epic match. I heard the entire 1970 Packers roster scream YOU DA MAN!!! when I hit my tee shot (I’m thinking it was the ’70 team because that’s what year I was born, but I don’t know for sure). Mullet choked badly, but shrugged it off with “Hey, I played for Lindy. This isn’t bad. I’m in Packhalla! I could’ve easily ended up somewhere else...” He was clearly talking about the mysterious and dark netherworld, but didn’t want to even utter the words. None of us did. None of us would…the dreaded Infante’s Inferno
Redneck inexplicably threw it away after playing so well all day. It was down to me and Eagle Scout. He putted out to measured applause. As usual, he was all class. I had about an 85-foot putt with a 5-foot drop for the victory, which was ironic, since I immediately saw McGee and Hornung beckoning me over to their minibar. Hornung hooked me up with a crucial shot of Wild Turkey, glanced around for Pete Rozelle, and whispered “I’m betting on you.”
I settled, in, visualized the line, and struck the ball, a Slazenger marked “17” (my high school number). It was like slo-mo as I watched it roll, roll, roll, to the lip of the cup…and go IN!!! (No Gopher grabbing it) There was pandemonium as I sprinted to the wall and jumped into the crowd in my first and only ‘Halla Leap…”
The disheveled greenskeeper shouted “It’s a Shinderella Shtory!” and I was carried off by fair-haired maidens to the hospitality tent!
A good story can help deal with adversity, on or off the field. Not saying that this was a good story. It wasn’t even a story. It was a Recollection…  Dreamworld… 
Go, Pack, GO!!!
(Kraig Pringle)

Just Sayin’

Fire Dom Capers ! ! He single handedly caused the Packers to lose to the Falcons. At least I feel like there will be more than a few fans saying something like that. Capers couldn’t block along the offensive line. He couldn’t cover Julio Jones. He couldn’t stop Freeman & Coleman. What good is he? Seriously, how many people reading this thought the Packers were going to go 16-0 during the regular season, breeze through the playoffs and win the Super Bowl going undefeated and having no injuries? Well, at least one, me. As I said last week, I wouldn’t be watching the game live, but hoped it would be worth watching since I recorded it. NOPE ! ! Among other things I have seen is that while the Packers were penalized twice for “pick plays”, the Falcons were allowed to run a similar plays with no objections from the refs. This one I did see.
The Packers were going to go with a quick snap while the Falcons were trying to substitute. So the whistle blows, stopping the play. The ref says “they need to have time to work”. (Maybe that wasn’t exactly what he said, but it is pretty close. Even Chris Collingsworth laughed at it. Maybe we now need to have a “10 second” ref clock. If they aren’t in position by 10 seconds after the whistle blows, a neutral person will throw a blue flag on the field for a ref-alty:  that would be a referee penalty and the offensive team gets 15 yards and an automatic first down. Maybe that would get their butts in gear. And then if they argue, they are kicked out of the game and fined.
Generally, I am not one that believes in conspiracy theories, but with the Falcons opening Arthur Blank’s $1.5B baby, it sure wouldn’t have looked good if he had lost the inaugural game there, huh? On one of the forums I go to read, three days before the game, there was talk of Mike Daniels leaving the game with hip/hamstring problems. One poster doubted the Bulaga flu coming at this time of year, right after his ankle was getting better. Another poster said watch for Brice to get hurt. All this 3 days before the game. (cue the X-Files theme).
Look, this is the first loss of the season. I’m pretty sure it won’t be the last one. I suspect at the very best, there will be about 3 more. So, it is time to put the Falcons game in the rear view mirror and move on to WKRP, in Cinninnati. Well, they can have a remote at Lambeau…
Just Sayin’
(Jimmy Smith)

The Chief’s / GPB Report

Sunday night and 23 Packer Fans (and 1 failcon fan) sat and watched a frustrating loss, one that was a combination of poor play and a couple of bad penalties.  All I can say is thank God there isn’t a new stadium being built for the next couple of years, time to move on.
Only 8 door prizes were awarded, mainly because that was all the members in the prize bucket, so here is the complete list of winners:  493 Jon Pierce a set of  Beer Glasses, both 328 Marge Bramlett and 221 Barb Gambrell took the new Salt & Pepper shakers, 185 Ken Hill Earbuds, 455 Brenda Davenport a badge clip, 488 Peggy Peschel a t-shirt, 472 Cyrus Steliga a coffee mug and 481 Jeff Peschel the new “Metal” tag frames.
Winner of this weeks Trivia Contest and $20 from our friends at Chief’s was: 185 Ken Hill.  Ken was the third name drawn this week.  Peggy Peschel forgot to list the City and Jeff Peschel got caught copying his wife answers.
Only one $1 pool this week and here are the winners: 221 Barb Gambrell (twice), 149 Travis Wieloch & 481 Jeff Peschel.
The NFL gods are kinder to us this week in giving us a 4:25 game so we only need headlights to get home. I’ve been busy collecting new prizes so come on down to Chief’s and see all the new stuff you can win. By then I hope they have the floors cleaned up the floor cleaned up because last Sunday. everyone was 
(Packer John)

 Packer’s      vs.      Bungle’s

Groin Pains”…  Perhaps that was the best way to describe the game in Not-lanta.  Kraig in his one paragraph review notes we got our asses kicked while Jimmy conjures up a tales of conspiracy so I will leave it to them to tell it in the own words. 
I don’t know about you but it almost brought a tear to my eye when they showed the value menu Mr. Blank had at his new Billion dollar stadium (Note: BRATS are not on the menu!), but with what some fans paid for their seats, maybe the food and drinks should have been thrown in for free.  All that is in the past “except for the “Groin pains” (Jordy, Jahri Evans, Mike Daniels, Kendrell Brice, Davon House), that’s what we will have to take into the weeks ahead, not only into the bungles game this week but a short week to follow when we play duh bears on Thursday night.  And so the revolving door is once again installed in the training room, twelve now on the injury list and seven of them not practicing and one placed on IR.
I really don’t want to use the cliché, but I feel I have to… this could be the first trap game of the season.  The combination of us licking our wounds and the fact the bungles are just not a good team is what could make this a “trap game” for the Packers.  I saw reports this week about how Andy Dalton is losing respect from the coaches and fellow players, could this mean a change in QB?  History tells us it might be; Green Bay has had a history in the making of new QB stars.  Russel Wilson was thrust upon us and we have seen what he has become.  Colin Kapernick became a QB superstar because of us, so could it now be AJ McCarrons turn for instant stardom?  It could be an opportunity lost (not to mention Job Security) if Marvin Lewis doesn’t seize the moment. 
Compounding the problem is the rash of injuries, once again in key positions.  On the offense are three tackles and a guard plus two of our top receivers.  On the defensive side they include two linemen, three linebackers and two defensive backs, all considered to be starters.  Twelve players on our injury list and 7 of them have yet to practice this week, I hope this is mostly precautionary but Sunday will tell us who suits up and who doesn’t.
By now everyone knows me and knows there is no way I can get down on “My Packers” and I never will.  As bad as the game looked, it was but two penalties (both offensive pass interference) and a weird pass/fumble play away from being a nail biter, but that’s the NFL and to survive we need to stop looking back and focusing on what ahead.  The soothing balm in all of this is two home games in a row in the friendly, hollowed confines of Lambeau Field.  Let’s hope the spirits of players past help the “Packas” out the way they helped Kraig and his golf game, minus the Wild Turkey.   No need to panic, one loss (to a top contender at home in a new stadium) is not the end of the world.  The Dalton gang will return home with their perfect 0-3 season intact, WE will get a much needed win and WE will always BLEED GREEN MY FRIENDS!
(Packer John)