2019 Week 16

Packers 21 Duh Bears 33  

“With a final surge, I pulled everything I had left from the now stained, yet glorious, tundra. Staggering to my feet, I reeled and swayed in a gnarly yet determined ascent. I wiped the foul sludgy concoction of mud, grass, blood, sweat, snot, saliva, and shit from my face and gazed down at Duh Bear in the Throes of Death. I knew that I had killed him long before he actually fell for the final time. In his bestial majesty, he continued to fight until the last, and actually could’ve “evened the score” with a desperate lunge that barely missed my vitals. The account settled, I rejoiced in an incredible feeling of being alive. Soaking in the sights, the smells, the sounds, the feeling, and of course the tastes of the moment, I was in a Nirvana-like symbiosis of Peaceful Invigoration. Nothing else mattered, and never could in such a moment, before, after, good, bad, Godly or heathen…”-Excerpt from Slaying Duh Bear
In his ill-fated, Casey Jones-inspired ride on the Packer Pain Train, Chuck Ficago saw it all finally go off the rails like a Crazy Train in a bitter and painful end that summed up the Bears’ season: False arrogance, foolish hopes, wrong turns, wishful thinking, what ifs, and how comes. He should’ve studied his ZZ Top and “Waited for the Bus,” but like their playoff delusions, Jesus Just Left Chicago. It’s all over for them now, but we knew they were posers and it was over before we started…
The Pack beat the Bears. Ho hum. Meh. Actually, it should be “Ho Ho Ho Hum” Same as it ever was. Up 7-3 at halftime, it looked like it might be one of those ugly throwback trench warfare games that Chicago historically seems to love. The two Touchdown! drives to open the second half ended up being those mortal wounds that Duh Bear didn’t yet know were fatal. We all know it was a less than satisfying finish. Why does it feel like we are missing “something” on an (11-3) team? Because we are! Where do we begin? Ancient Chinese Secret: “Too much lipstick pig, too many problems…”
This sense of foreboding doom and relative negativity is easy to understand. My Dad 101. Because of our history, we’re a jaded, disappointed, and pissed-off fan base. So many familiar “What Ifs” and “Shoulda Beens.” We are always waiting for the other shoe, “The Axe,” to drop. And who could blame us?
But turn those frowns upside down. All is not lost. Q: What would we be saying if we were losing these tight games instead of winning them? Hmmm. Let me ponder. Ok. This just in: We’d be bitching about how we can’t win close games! Quoting The Chairman of “Thuh RAYduhs,” with the ever-present shades, the slicked-back ducktail, and always, always The Man in Black: “Just Win, Baby.” It’s a results-only analysis. We are resulting. I like it. I love it. And yes, I want some more of it. We are right in the hunt. Look around the league. There are great teams, but everyone has flaws…
No doubt we need to tune up some things, and quickly. It’s time to find another gear. We need to get leaner, meaner, and look in the figurative mirror. We need to find it. Like Rocky before he fought Clubber Lang and even moreso before he headed to Siberia to drag logs through the snow and spin out hapless KGB agents trying to follow him on his nature hikes before the Ivan Drago showdown. We need to find the Lunatic Fringe, like Lowden Swain in his (Native American buddy who wasn’t really an Indian-inspired) Vision Quest trying to make weight to wrestle the champ…

“It’s Christmas Time in the city…Soon it will be Christmas Day…” I love the holidays. It hasn’t changed since I was a kid scrambling before the crack of dawn down the stairs trying to beat my brother to see what Santa brought us. Of course there was no doubt that he would come, as I was always a good little boy. Same as it ever was.

This time around, in some ways it’s maybe the best. Having our two kids come home from college for almost a month takes us to a happier time, a familiar and comfortable place where everything is the way it’s supposed to be, where we are again playing the roles of our lifetime, where we were at our best…
In these most chaotic and polarizing of times, I bring a humble message to all of you, be it White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, Arab, Democrat, Republican, Conservative, Liberal, Snowflake, Skinhead, Antifa, Boomer, Millennial, Gen X, Gen Y, LBGTQ (and any and all other letters that apply), young, old, et al (can never cover everyone). So I’ll use my formal training and experience to say To All of You, Including but not Limited to the Aforementioned: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Right here, right now, because it is that magical and redeeming time, I love you all
That even includes factions from our next obstacle: Vikings fans. Those of you who either know me, have read me, or both know my vitriol for the entire idea and/or concept of these spineless vermin. But in the holiday spirit, I am all about wholesome and festive fun, and we must not show our contempt for our hapless, worthless, and misguided bottom-feeding cousins in Lavender La-La Land. We must have mercy and pity the meek. As such, let me spread some holiday cheer with a suggestion and let the fun begin...
Fasten some mistletoe to your lower back, the same area where your “ex-girlfriend” (whatever dude) had her tramp stamp. Find a cluster of Viking fans. Comingle with them, ultimately turning your backside to face the group so they can see the mistletoe. Snap your finger and watch them line up to kiss your ass… I love you all, 
Go Pack, GO!!!
(Kraig Pringle)

Just Sayin’

 I’ll tell ya, and I don’t think I am the only one thinking this, but we seem to be playing to the level of our competition during the last 3 games. The first half of the Bears game was eerily similar to the opening game this year. Then the second half started, and BAM, we pressed down on the accelerator and took off like a Bugatti Veyron. Then the wheels started losing Air(ron) and AAA couldn’t make it out for a repair. So, we kind of sputtered through the last quarter. We moved a little here, we moved a little there, but never could complete Lap 4 for another TD. Fortunately for us, the Bears were in their Trubisky jalopy that was misfiring for much of the game. They even had 3 flats. Now, they started gaining some speed for a while in the second half. But then, their GPS quit working at the end of the game and they were almost running in circles.

The defense was playing the run pretty darn good for the most part. When your NT is getting penetration, getting off the line for quick starts, and leads the defense in sacks, that is good run defense. Now as far as the pass defense goes, they still have some work to do; even with the regular season winding down. I mean, Allen Robinson and Anthony Miller (not to be confused with our club’s very own Anthony Miller), pretty much had their way with our secondary. Pettine has got to do something about that. I am not a former Defensive Back, nor am I a former Defensive Coordinator, so I am not got to throw out any suggestions . . . . other than, “Damn, do something ! !”
We control our own destiny as far as winning the division and getting the #2 seed. If things work out favorably, the #1 seed is still possible.
So, with that in mind, we need to get the Bugatti tuned up, fill up the tank #12 fuel, and change the tires. Right now, the tires are Adams, Allison, Graham and MVS. I propose the new tires to be Adams, Kumerow, Lazard and Tonyan or Lewis.
Maybe coaches have the old thinking, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Well, maybe it ain’t broke, but it needs some adjustments. Allison & Graham keep having lugs falling off (drops) and MVS keeps losing air (drops). So, let’s put some new wheels on the cruiser and see what happens
Just Sayin’
(Jimmy Smith 220)


What a great day cheering at Spare Time for our Packers.  Our numbers kept rising throughout the afternoon.  Final count was 124 Packer fans-7 Bear fans.  Our numbers of club members keep rising, too.  Please join me in welcoming
572 Craig Phillips
573 Shanu Kothari
to our merry band.  A reminder to existing members, we are accepting early bird renewals for next season in order to procure more great prizes during the offseason. 
And speaking of Great door prizes, here are this week’s lucky Packer Backers winners.  From head to toe--539 John Byrne chose a cap, 398 Bill Demuth chose a fancy tie, and 101 Jamie Ware got a pair of slippers.  Moving to the kitchen and about the house, 431 Jan Zlebek got a cutlery set and 516 Jackie Boyd has steak knives.  556 Sherry Denman will be sipping from her pint glasses and 560 Larry Joachim will be toting tailgating “stuff” in his cooler/tote.  242 Christina Harrison chose solar lights.  563 Bob Scanlon chose a locker room buddy to enjoy.
We filled both a $1 and a 50₵ board this week.  Winners of the $1 board were 369 Don Dandelske, 328 Marge Bramlett, and 241 Tiffany Bailey (2).  Winners of the 50₵ board were 516 Jackie Boyd and 328 Marge Bramlett (3).  241 Tiffany Bailey knew the correct answer to the Trivia question.  She won a $25 gift card from our fine friends at Spare Time.
And on to our next game, the 120 Neil Petersen announced “pajama party” game against the Queenies on Monday night, December 23 at 8:15.  Now I know it’s probably a work night for many of you, but you can come in your jammies and enjoy at least the first half of the game with fellow Packer fans.  Jammies aren’t required, so don’t feel pressured but a prize is at stake and a great time will be had as we cheer on our team.  We’re enjoying a great season, let’s continue our support through thick and thin…    
Marge 328

Packer’s     vs.     viqueens

 Ok, so it’s a Thursday evening, I’ve got 3 hours until I go see Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker and I see this drivel:  “Vikings have a path, narrow as it may be, to the No. 1 seed.”  I skimmed it, and despite it being from NBS Sports talk, I was correct in labeling it drivel.  It was a twisted mass of conjecture and conspiracy, like Ukraine has the DNC server, and Ukraine, not Russia interfered in 2016.  It’s true, I suppose, but the Vikings would have to win out and we would have to lose out, and basically the Saints and 49ers would have to lose out to.

I also read on Sunday evening that Aaron Rodgers is the Packers problem.  The writer said that Aaron was no longer the GOAT because he held the ball too long hoping to throw the long ball.   It was also drivel because he talked about the “suddenly red hot Dallas Cowboys!”  Dallas is 1-3 over their last 4 games.  They lead the NFC LEAST!  The Packers, Vikings, and Bears would lead that division if they were in it! 
Which brings me back to our erstwhile opponents this week.  The Viqueens.  Dalvin Cook is expected to be out still nursing an injury sustained last week against the Chargers.  That brings us to Kirk Cousins.  He’s an enigma.  I have commented about him from time to time this season.  He got called out by his teammates this season, he got called out by the media last season.  The Viqueens paid him $84 million guaranteed for 3 seasons and in the first year of that mustered a measly 8-7-1 record and missed the playoffs…for $28 million! 
The Packers have a rookie head coach this season, so if we had laid an egg, it would be expected.  Instead we are leading our division, and projected by Vegas to be the Number 2 seed in the NFC.  If we win out, I believe we would be the No. 1 Seed, meaning that the NFC Championship would hopefully come through Titletown!  Matt LeFleur for Coach of the Year.
Another thing I hear is, “The Packers don’t have an identity,” and “What’s the Packers identity?”  Apparently, reporters like putting teams in boxes.  The Patriots are a “defensive team,” the K.C. Chefs “run through Patrick Mahomes.”  Simple boxes.  The Packers don’t.  Sure it all starts with Aaron Rodgers, but after that it can go anywhere.  Sometimes it’s Aaron…Jones.  He has 2 games where he’s scored 4 touchdowns, he’s had games where he rushes for over 100 yards, some games he’s been stymied and Aaron Rodgers goes to the air.  He’ll hit Jones, Graham, Adams, MVS, Geronimo, Football Jesus (Kumerow), Lazard, Vitale, and Jamaal Williams in the air and destroy a team that way.  I was privileged to see that in October at Lambeau Field against the Raiders.  Aaron had a perfect passer rating and it was a sight to see!  So our identity?  How does double edged sword sound.  If we can’t cut you one way, we’ll cut you the other.  I’d settle for Hydra, cut off one head, two more rise in its place. 
This is not a must-win game for the Packers.  I do think we’ll win though.  Aaron likes playing in Domes, he gets to wear his comfortable shoes.  A fast track favors the receivers, maybe MVS can actually catch the long bomb, and Jimmy Graham (who is NOT related to Billy Graham) can show some of that 4.5 speed.  We win this roll into Motown and be like Jon Snow:  The King in the North!!”    
GO PACK!! GO!!! 
 (Ken Hill)